FAILURE!!!

So basically i woke up today with super motivation, i resisted a few temptations during lunch!
I went food shopping which tempted me a bit...seeing all the yummy foods but i shopped sensibly.
Then when i got home..i got offered popcorn. Started off eating a few then a few more until i realised i'd had loadsaaa...so i purged:(


I just feel like such an utter failure as i have made the same mistake two days in a row. I'm starting to lose faith in myself, feeling sooo discouraged. I dont mean to make excuses but I think the weekends are the hardest days....what i might do is increase my calorie intake during the weekends and restrict more during the week. I just wish I had more control... I dont want food to control how I feel, I dont wanna crave it and I dont wanna give into its temptation or even feel tempted by it. At the end of the day its just FOOD! i have sucha SHIT relationship with food...and the food is in control but I wanna be in control. Food has already ruined my life enough and my confidence....why should I let it do any more damage!


Also, with regards to purging I feel I am sinking back into my old ways which pisses me off even more...I just wanna be in control...Im such a failure...a FAT failure!!! I am soo disgusted by myself and my failure!!!

I want to lose weight because...

1.  being overweight has soo many health risks
2. i wanna look beautiful n gorgeous n sexy
3. i wanna look good in everything
4. don't wanna be the fat friend
5. don't wanna be the fat sister
6. i wanna be able to look in the mirror without feeling nauseous
7. wanna be able to wear a high waisted skirt without a bulging tummy
8. I WANNA WEAR A BIKINI without looking like a swollen whale
9. I wanna wear shorts :)
10. I wanna be proud of myself
11. Im sick of ppl telling me I put on weight
12. FUCKING SICK OF MY FRNDS TELLING ME TO TRY STUFF ON THAT THEY WANNA BUY THEIR MUMS COS THEIR MUM IS SIMILAR SIZE TO ME...FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
13. I wanna be able to wear a belly top :)
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    I'll add to the list as I think of more :)))))) 

I'm Back!!!

Over A year later....
I've grown up a lil...gone to uni which made me put on a lot of weight. Initially I was 12st 10 then lost a stone at uni to 11'10. Recently put on 7lbs so last week I started my diet again; I lost 3.5lbs. I'm hoping to lose more this week (5-6lbs) as I started the abc diet. I want to lose weight once and for all!
Day 1 of abc went well, as for today (day 2) not so well. I binged like a fat pig! but purged it all out till I could taste bile!
TBH im really disappointed and disgusted at myself for losing control like that :/ Im punishing myself with a jog tomorrow :)
After losing control today, I've decided to start blogging daily again as a form of motivation.

:)