FAILURE!!!

So basically i woke up today with super motivation, i resisted a few temptations during lunch!
I went food shopping which tempted me a bit...seeing all the yummy foods but i shopped sensibly.
Then when i got home..i got offered popcorn. Started off eating a few then a few more until i realised i'd had loadsaaa...so i purged:(


I just feel like such an utter failure as i have made the same mistake two days in a row. I'm starting to lose faith in myself, feeling sooo discouraged. I dont mean to make excuses but I think the weekends are the hardest days....what i might do is increase my calorie intake during the weekends and restrict more during the week. I just wish I had more control... I dont want food to control how I feel, I dont wanna crave it and I dont wanna give into its temptation or even feel tempted by it. At the end of the day its just FOOD! i have sucha SHIT relationship with food...and the food is in control but I wanna be in control. Food has already ruined my life enough and my confidence....why should I let it do any more damage!


Also, with regards to purging I feel I am sinking back into my old ways which pisses me off even more...I just wanna be in control...Im such a failure...a FAT failure!!! I am soo disgusted by myself and my failure!!!